Day 59 of 365 Days of Mindfulness
By Tawnya Love & the Angels
March 17, 2017
Have you ever had a dream that you just knew was more than just a dream? You knew this was not just random thoughts floating through your mind, you really experienced something!? Well, I have these dreams a lot and I am convinced that we Are really experiencing shifts in another realm/dimension. I Love paying attention to my dreams, as I’ve found they are often Incredibly helpful for myself as well as for others I connect with. Often I have dreams with Important messages and insights Flowing in for clients I’ll be assisting and supporting the next day. I highly encourage You to start paying attention to your dreams if you aren’t already.
I’m feeling Inspired to share with You an “Experience” I had last night while in dreamtime. Before going to sleep I was listening to a guided meditation on Manifestation. In it I focused upon positive suggestions for manifesting my New Reality. I have been consciously focusing on releasing some weight from my physical body. Since last year, I had a lot of physical changes occur with a significant relationship ending & lots of Newness. Big picture it’s all good and for the best, however the Shock of the New really messed with my digestive system. I’ve always been very fit, have taught fitness classes for over 20 years and I’ve never struggled to shed weight.
Some like to say, “It’s your age, everything gets harder after you turn 40.” I refuse to believe that! So, after this digestive upset I started to notice my tummy was bloated I had a little bit of a pooch around my tummy. Something I’ve never had before. I figured I’d just work out a bit more, eat a bit less and deal with it. Well let’s just say spirit had something deeper for me to understand first so this time all my past methods were Not working. I felt frustrated, an old feeling of insecurity crept in, I didn’t like this at all. I am stronger than this! What is happening? These were my heart questions. Questions that led to a deeper awareness for a deeper Powerful healing to occur.
Now I know I’m not alone in the body image struggle. I’ve been helping mostly women my entire life with this struggle. I often assist and support my beautiful soul sisters during Yoga, Fitness classes, Massage and Healing Sessions with healing of their Inner Child. I have discovered that our Inner Child aka our Subconscious mind is an incredibly powerful force that will continue to do what it must to get our attention.
I’ve worked with women who’ve experienced great tragedy in their lives, who had years of addiction or struggle and suffering occur only to lead them back home to themselves. So often we experience some trauma or tragedy in our lives only to suppress those memories, to stuff down those feelings and suffocate on our emotions. This is what the Angels and I refer to as cellular memories. These are the Powerful memories that we’ve ignored, denied and distracted ourselves from dealing with.
These cellular memories stay alive within us. They keep pushing there way to the surface of our Consciousness, maybe they arise in a strange dream, a vision during meditation, or a random memory that arises. The point I wish to make here is that your body and all of its intelligence Won’t Stop doing all it can to get your attention. Why is that? Because your body wants to heal, your soul wants to heal…It will do anything it can to help you with this.
So back to my digestive system drama; right before this digestive system drama occured my ex and I broke up. I also had been dealing with several Intense Energies with roommates that had tested me to my core on healthy boundaries. I had been helping so many others with their healing that I hadn’t realized I’d lost my own balance along the way. You see we can even lose our balance while helping others, so this is an important part to pay attention to.
As I sit here today with complete clarity and peace I can SEE that I was burning myself out. I knew intuively that this relationship with my ex wasn’t where I belonged. I knew intuively that I couldn’t live with such hateful, lying, manipulative people (the misaligned roommates) I knew I needed more rest and space from these crazy energies…But I just kept tolerating, and tolerating and tolerating. Hoping that soon they would wake up! Nope they had no desire to wake up…I needed to!
For all I know those roommates are just as hateful today as they were when they lived with me. Needing them to change was not the solution. I needed to be honest. I needed to take my power back. I needed to honor my intuition and live my authentic life. This was my work, my life! And so I first had to take a little break from helping others. Life helped me take that break when I had a miscarriage with my beloved William. We had just found out we were pregnant when I had a vision during a dream that I woke up covered in blood crying. Well this vision was an Intuitive flash forward and a couple days later I woke up in the middle of the night covered in blood. I won’t go into all the details but I ended up in the ER that night. When I came home the next day I was in deep grief and I was exhausted to my core.
I can see now looking back that this miscarriage just may have saved me. It sounds strange because it was so painful and sad. However it helped me really process deeper sadness that I needed to deal with. This event brought to the surface some of the takers and controllers that I had allowed to take up recidency in my life and in my mind. There were a few family members, people who called themselves friends that I knew I had to say goodbye to. I had plenty of time to just BE with myself and FEEL what needed to be felt.
This was an important body, mind and soul healing time for me. I spent a lot of time in Meditation and stillness. I had to face the lingering voice of my ego trying to convince me I was of no value if I couldn’t help others. Yeah we shut that voice down! I can laugh about this now but it was far from funny while I was “in it.” I felt a true and deep freedom occur within when I surrendered with complete trust that Source God would care for my needs during this situation and Always. And I was cared for by those who truly were meant to be in my life. My beloved William was Amazing!!! He worked all day and would come home to check on me and bring me food. He held me for hours while I cried, he joined me in that space and offered me his presence, his Love. Our bond deepened during that time. My daughter Catherine would come lay next to me, bring me food and helped by caring for our sweet Honey Girl. Honey Girl just laid by my side all day offering me her Unconditional Love. Life went on and I was held by those closest to me. I also had a brother treat me like I was nothing and sent a birthday card I mailed him back to me and telling me to keep it!
Life was showing me, “Look Tawnya, pay attention to who is worthy of your heart and soul…Pay attention to those who do Not value You.” I was paying attention!
Another Incredible Miracle that happened is that the hospital cut our $1000 Ambulance bill to $100. And they paid most of the ER bill as well which was truly Miraculous since I was unable to work. Source God took care of things. I truly believe that I will Always be cared for Now…When I was young I was taught to be afraid. I was shown by hurting humans that life could hurt me. Eventually I healed to the point of intellectually knowing Source God would provide… Today I Know it is true–body, mind and Soul!
So now back to my amazing and powerful dream Experience I had last night. So after I fell asleep from my guided meditation, I had an incredibly Intense experience with several humans from my past. I saw myself surrounded by several humans who in this lifetime have caused me a lot of personal pain and suffering. My brother was there, my sister, my ex husband of 20 years, and my mom. First I saw them all surrounding me shaming me and condemning me saying I was crazy and needed to be locked away. They were afraid of me, afraid of my magical connection to Source God. I could FEEL the intensity of their fears and their judgments. I felt overwhelmed by their anger, fear and hate and it made me feel sick inside. I wanted to get away, to run away from them but they kept pushing in on me (to clarify I’ve Never felt these particular humans ever truly saw me or Loved and accepted me for me)
Suddenly I saw myself look straight at my brother and I let out the loudest scream you can imagine. I just screamed and screamed and let out this deep inner rage I had felt I must suppress in order to survive living amoungst these hurting humans. It was intense and as I screamed and released the “old” suppressed energy my brother disappeared. Poof gone! I had released the Energy of Rage within, it wasn’t me, it was just an energy that needed out.
Next I allowed the rage at how hateful my sister had been to me to be released, then my ex husband they all disappeared. I saw myself laying on the ground crying and exhausted from all the energy I had just released. Suddenly my mom came over to me saying, “ohh baby don’t cry, you’re okay there’s nothing to cry about.” I stood up and screamed out at her my deepest truth, allowing all my pain and Suffering to be purged from within. I recall screaming at her, “You’ve beaten me since I was a baby! You tried to kill me several times, you’re a terrible selfish mother!!!” I fully released the inner rage I had been taught to suppress. It was all being released and I had discovered what my subconscious self needed to have acknowledged.
Now I’m sharing my truth, my soul, my vulnerability here not to condemn anyone, not for anyone’s approval…This is for My Healing, my moment of full Release. I’m often amazed at just how deeply our old wounds can go. Yet I’m also excited to discover that We Can heal ourselves, We Can shift our outer Reality…By facing our inner-most self. For some you may have been taught that feeling sadness was not okay, so you learned to shove it down. For others perhaps you can relate to my need to release the Rage!!! Maybe you were taught you were a Bad person if you showed or expressed anger?
Intuively I know a deep healing has occurred and I know the old cellular memories are leaving my body, mind and soul Now! I’ve cleared them, I chose to face them, feel them and to have the courage to release them fully. I know this was the answer to my weight gain and is now the beginning of my weight release. I’ve felt it was okay for me to cry to release sadness however I feel I must have been taught somewhere along this journey that it was Not okay to release my Anger and Rage for all the hateful things that I went through, all the pain and suffering I endured.
I’m here for You mirroring hope, healing and freedom. If you’re struggling in any way and You feel Intuitive guidance to reach out and work with a healer that gets it, that’s been there, and that found the way out of the darkness I’m here for You. I know you may have tried everything to heal, to lose weight, to feel healthy and joyous. And I know the power available to You as you go deeper to FEEL and Face what is within, what lies beneath your subconscious mind needing to be acknowledged and released.
Thank You for listening to my story and Thank You for All You’ve been through to BE Here Now!
🦋 Namaste Tawnya Love
Please take a moment to view my services here and contact me when you are ready to return to wholeness, to come home to You 🦋 Thank You for Sharing 🦋