Day 63 of 365 Days of Mindfulness
By Tawnya Love & the Angels
April 21, 2017
Today I am feeling Inspired to express my own heart and vulnerable truth.
I have learned that speaking one’s truth can often lead to isolation when the humans around you can’t handle said truth. However, speaking my own truth is my most sacred choice, because it’s my personal truth.
Last week, I was put into an uncomfortable position with the owner of a yoga studio that I’ve been giving my heart and soul to for the past year. As always when I teach at a studio, I connect deeply with the Students and Yogis. To be honest, I had felt something was “off” for a few months with the owner after I spoke my truth on being paid what I was worth. When I was hired, I was told that in a month she’d reevaluate me to make sure I was a good fit, and then she’d re-address my pay increase. Well, that never happened, so I reached out to remind her of her agreement. Then I was told that she couldn’t afford to pay me the extra $5 a class, and that if I wanted more pay, I should bring my clients to her studio to grow her class numbers. I was told that if my class numbers were higher, then she’d consider a pay increase. I challenged her, and said that putting the class participation on a teacher felt off and would stimulate ego and competition. I was not interested in becoming responsible for studio membership, which I personally feel is the owner’s responsibility. That being said, she told me she’d let me promote my healing services in the studio and, once a month, on her website.
I did my best to stand my ground and remain authentic to my own path and voice. She started the passive-aggressiveness and cold shoulder games. I focused on serving the students with Love and Honor. I did not want to fight or play egoic games, so I ignored the tension. It’s an interesting thing that happens when people lie and choose dishonor. They carry that energy within, and often they want to then get rid of the person who refused to be blind to their games.
Well, it finally escalated, and last week out of nowhere I’m sent a text – yes a text message – stating that she needs to meet with me because there are some “Concerns” with my teaching. This was a huge shock, because all I am ever hearing from my students is how awesome the class was, how Loved the students feel in my presence, how Intuitive I am in regards to teaching and saying just what they needed to hear. So to hear from the owner who never takes my classes by the way, that the concerns were that I, “don’t offer variety,” “talk too much,” and “self promote” were shocking. Especially the promotion part since her negotiation on not paying me what I deserve was to allow me to promote my healing services. And for the record I always listen to the moment, if a client is complaining about pain I let them know I can help. I am never salesy and always share from my heart if they express a need. See a need, fill a need.
There are classes in which I rarely speak during Savasana, and there are classes where spirit channels messages through me. Again, the students always show Appreciation and Graditude. She never takes my classes, but suddenly I’m receiving an email stating that I’m on probation! This all unraveled in a matter of hours, all through text message and email. I did not feel heard or even acknowledged, I felt bullied and shamed–by this so called Yoga leader who in my humble opinion has much to learn in regards to Love, Honor and Respect.
This situation triggered the Shit out of me! I’ll be completely honest on that. I felt completely betrayed and unheard. When I offered to meet with her and these alleged complaining students, she ignored my request. When I offered to only teach at the Ridgefield location, she ignored my offer. I only got negativity from her and, to be honest, bullshit bullying.
So what’s a Sacred Rebel, Leader of Love and Light to do? I became very still. I told her I was leaving this unconscious email discussion and going into Meditation. She then projected concern for “my well-being” and suggested I take some time off so I’d be okay with Myself!? Ohh that did it. I put my phone down and vowed to Not look at it again until tomorrow.
I went into Meditation, and became very still and quiet. I asked my Higher Self: What should I do in this situation? I Loved my job, I Loved my students, I Love teaching Yoga. In that Stillness, my Higher Self did speak to me. I was reminded: You are worthy of the Love you give to all. You know in your heart you are settling here at this studio. You know you deserve Honor, Love and Compassion. You also know this owner is not awake enough to Honor or See You. You can let this situation go, You will be Supported and Guided, just Trust and let go.
And so, that next morning, as I drove to my last class at this studio, I thanked my Angels for guiding me and bringing me a sign I couldn’t miss in regards to my decision to leave this studio.
Seconds later, a truck pulls in front of my car with the license #999. Key meanings for this number: Higher perspective, Non-conformity, Leading by Example, and Much more, but in essence – it represents the end of a cycle. A New Direction.
I was delighted to receive such swift confirmation and guidance. It brought my heart ease for what I had to now do.
So I got to the studio, taught a beautiful class, and at the end spoke my truth with the students that had shown up that day, as it’s always the exact humans showing up that are meant to. My soul completely understands this. We had a teary goodbye with many hugs. What felt amazing was that as I spoke my truth, I felt a power return to me that I had somehow released while working there. In my heart, I trust that All is Well. In my heart, I know that Spirit is preparing something Amazing for me, that my Sacred Voice and Unique Gifts are Incredibly valuable, and I am being guided to a Loving, Honoring, High Vibrational space to share my joy and Love of Yoga and Spirit where I will be Seen, Loved and Honored.
Last night (a week later), I had a terrible dream of being betrayed. In the dream, I was sobbing with tears because I felt all that pain in my heart. I woke up and immediately realized that it was the pain I had felt from this betrayal. I had become really skilled at pushing it aside to stay strong and here it was, showing up full force for me to FEEL. What did I do? I allowed myself to FEEL it completely. I speak with my beloved William every morning on the phone. When he called me, I told him about the dream, and confessed that this had hurt me deeply. The tears began to fall. My best friend comforted me, reminded me that none of it was about me, that everything was going to be great. He commended me for making the right decision. And offered me comfort and compassion.
So as I type this Heartfelt truth, I realize I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable. I realize I’m Not being “politically correct,” as society trains us to be because I am speaking up for myself. I refuse to suppress the truth, simply to help a bully be more comfortable in her bullying. I refuse to become silent and disappear. I AM Here to last, I AM Here to Stay!!! Every blow, every betrayal by another hurting, mean human is about their choices, not mine. I AM a Great, Loving, Honoring, Aligned, Compassionate Soul, and a damn good Yoga teacher–not just practicing Asana on the mat in some Studio. I Live My Yoga 24/7, and sometimes a leader is called to be truthful, vulnerable, and guided to walk away from abusive situations in order to Lead the way for others!!! Well So Be it!
I’m so grateful for the many students and teachers who have reached out to honor me, to express their concerns and observations, and to Thank me for being me! I was literally thanked for showing a student what they needed to see to empower their own life. Thank You Angels for your perfect Divine Guidance, Plan, Assistance and Support 💖 I know I Am Never Alone!
Today, I encourage You to Open your Eyes and choose to SEE clearly what your Egoic mind wants you to ignore. I encourage you to open your hearts and remember how worthy you are – Do Not Settle Another Moment under hurting, humans egos. Rise up, Reclaim Your Power, and Go higher to where you are absolutely Loved, Honored, and Celebrated for being the Beautiful You!!! 💖
There is only One You in all of the Universe, what a shame to deny ourselves permission to BE truly Authentic!
Today Choose: To Thine Own Self BE True 🦋
Namaste, Tawnya Love and the Angels
To the hateful vengeful hurting lying humans: I Forgive You and I Release You…All that nasty you put out will always find itself right back within you…Do yourselves a favor, and choose to be vulnerable. Choose to be authentic and honest. Choose to Heal. It’s such a beautiful path 💞🙏💞
I encourage You all to take a moment and Listen to the New Trolls movie song: “True Colors,” a beautiful Justin Timberlake cover of a Cyndi Lauper song. Another go to song I Listen to often when hurting humans project is by Laryn Hill “Forgive them Father”.
I forgive You, I Love You, I Fully Release Your Negativity, I AM Free 🦋
Listen to Sara Bareilles “BRAVE” Crank It up and Let that Light in and show me how Big your Brave is!!!! 💖