Day 131 of 365 Days of Mindfulness Mastery
With Tawnya Love
May 12th, 2018
Greetings Beloved One’s,
Today, I felt a tornado of anger move through my energy field. It was interesting, because I rarely FEEL anger anymore. I knew to stay present with the energy and to remember it isn’t who I am. So I allowed it to be what it was: an energy of anger. I watched it and felt the pain dwelling below the surface. You see, I have been through a lot in this lifetime. Back in 2012, I finally conjured up the confidence and courage to leave a toxic, abusive marriage. That choice was a huge transformation, as many of my birth family were so hateful and hurtful towards me that not only did I release and shed a toxic marriage, I suddenly had my eyes wide open to SEE the toxic family I was born into.
I was born into this family. It’s important for me to remember this, because they are Not, nor have they ever, been my True Soul Family. I was born to them as a gift, and as an opportunity for change, Love, and Transformation. I then had to release myself from them in 2012, and at that time, I know I was re-birthed, and I evolved beyond that birth family.
About a week ago, my grandma, who I adored as a child, passed away. She was one of the humans I trusted so much, who in 2012 let me down by showing me her true colors. After she betrayed my trust, I felt shocked and hurt. I could hardly believe “my grandma” could do such a thing, but she did, and I was in a place where SEEING was The Most Important Thing for me.
I recall confronting her, and the tears flowed as I told her how much her betrayal hurt me, especially at such a vulnerable time in my life. My holding a mirror up to her set off a rage she held within. She began yelling at me, inches from my face, pointing her finger at me, shaming and threatening me. I was literally shaking and immediately walked away from her and into the room I was staying in.
Right then I knew our relationship would never be the same. I knew that I could not and would not tolerate that kind of abuse. So, I wrote her a heartfelt letter offering her my own perspective, sharing my compassion and wisdom. After that day, I returned home and left my marriage on my own. Not one family member supported me or showed any care. This grandma totally cut me out of her life and gossiped, lied and led the rest of my family with her. No more birthday cards, no more calls it was like I didn’t exist in there eye’s. This was the day my grandma died for me way back in 2012. Recently she left her human form.
This was a HUGE and important time in my Soul’s evolution and expansion. Was I afraid? Fuck YESSSSS, I was terrified! However, I knew I had to move forward and not allow fear to stop me. And you know what? Source God took care of me. Many different Souls have come in and out of my life since then, and I’ve learned to release attachment and to remember that Source God and I are Always One. That is Unshakable!
Do I allow what these humans, whom I was born to, chose, to shut me down or harden my heart? Never! I keep Loving, I keep evolving, I keep FEELING, and I keep growing. I mention this journey to make sense of the anger I felt today. When I spoke to one of my other grandmas and she told me about all the different people that were at my grandma’s funeral, I felt anger and pain that not One person that I was born to even bothered to call me and let me know when her funeral was. Zero kindness, zero honor, zero respect from these miserable humans. I didn’t judge the anger, I allowed it to move through my field like a cleansing swirling vortex. I also felt within myself an acceptance for this and the wisdom that there is always a reason supporting what is best for me. And to be honest I doubt I would have attended anyway.
My daughter Catherine was with me in the car as we were driving to go on our hike, and I told her all I was processing and spoke my anger out loud to fully release it. I spoke directly to my grandmother’s spirit and told her that her choices were her choices, but that those choices created and caused pain, and that, though I have absolutely chosen to forgive her choices, they were Fucked Up just the same. I spoke to her with clarity and truth; I did not say what I think I’m supposed to say. I spoke my truth, forgave her actions, and Let her go.
I share this because, as any of you who know me realize, I am often (to some) annoyingly positive and happy. Why? Because it’s what I authentically feel. And when I FEEL happy, I sing it to the world. And on the rare occasions that I FEEL sadness or anger, I also give myself the freedom and permission to share the truth of how I’m feeling with those I Love. There is Nothing wrong about Feeling anger. What fucks us up is when we pretend we’re Not feeling something, and we stuff those raw, authentic emotions deep down inside. That is like a Mount St. Helens moment waiting to erupt; not a great idea for you or anyone else.
Stuffing our emotions down inside us is self abuse, and it will make us sick if we do this habitually. One thing I Love about being a human being is allowing myself permission to FEEL what I authentically feel. One thing that keeps me in my highest Angelic alignment is the wisdom to know I AM Not my emotions. Therefore, I don’t have to be ashamed or afraid of them. I can give them honor as they present themselves, and then assist them in moving through.
I share this vulnerable, heartfelt post as a light for any of you who have had Love or honor withheld at any moment in your lives. I share this truth as permission to any of you who feel ashamed of how you feel. I encourage You to allow your Feelings, to honor them, to FEEL them, to Love them, and at the same time… Remember they are Not who You Are. So, have the wisdom to release them, and let them go!
To all of the hurting unconscious humans that have crossed my path or another’s path: I forgive you for the unconscious pain you create for yourselves and others. I Love You unconditionally, as I Love myself unconditionally, and though I Love You, & Yes I do forgive You, I also know when you’re making Fucked Up, Misaligned choices, and I will always give myself permission to honor those feelings and move the hell outta your energetic space.
Namaste my Beloved Soul Family 💗🙏💗 Thank You to All of You who have the Wisdom and Compassion to Show Love and Honor to yourselves and everyone outside of you!!! Always Always Have the courage to Evolve and Grow No matter what may leave You…it’s worth it trust me! ✌️😎👊
I AM a Loving, Fearless Soul with eyes, heart and soul wide awake and aware. Do I SEE YOU? Do I FEEL Your intentions? Do I SEE Your authenticity? You better believe it! Therefore do I understand why some of you run into the shadows? Do I understand why so many of you continue these misaligned games? Absolutely and I Love You as the Source You are One with Loves You and I SEE All!
And so it goes, we SEE, we FEEL, we Process, we Forgive & Release…The Journey of Transformation & Evolution is an eternal One ✨🦋✨
Blessings Tawnya Love
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The Amazing Confirming card I drew from spirit immediately after posting this. And instantly receiving feedback from those who needed to hear this Empowering Message. Believe in yourselves You Are Worthy, You have Always been Worthy & Shall Eternally remain Worthy…drop the Illusion of your fears & Rise my Beloved One’s…Rise!!!